Where’s Your Perfect Lover?

It might sometimes occur to you, like when you’re walking down the street, that some couples just don’t seem like they’re a good match. The guy looks like a true champion, the girl looks like a turd. Or the girl is real good looking, but he looks like he should be kept in the basement. Sometimes you don’t even have to leave the house to observe such situations.

Hello, ladies. Look at your man, now look at me. Look at him again… and back to me. It’s a shame he’s not like me…

I’m sure you know that ad and you’re probably familiar with this so-called handsome black actor trying to tell our women to invest in a second rate product. Don’t worry about him. Maybe we don’t exactly look like a million bucks, but all self-help books directed at lonely and frustrated men tell us one thing – women don’t care that much about our appearance. They’re more than satisfied if we have a perfect personality.

However, the same can’t be said if you reverse the roles. Ever self-help book for lonely 30+ cat ladies will tell you that men are a simple species. We’re visual creatures and we tend to measure a woman’s attractiveness through the lens of her body. Sure, we consider details such as wisdom and intelligence to be important, but let’s not get carried away! I’d never even dream about pretending otherwise. A woman has to look good by a man’s side, because no man would want his darling’s questionable beauty to be the subject of his friends’ jokes. The truth is, we love making jokes about women’s looks, pointing out their flat asses, flat chests, thin lips, crooked feet and yellow teeth. It gets worse if the above shortcomings can be applied to our own woman. There’s nothing more pathetic than a man who is desperately trying to save face by explaining that “appearance doesn’t matter as much when you’re in love”, “we all get old”, or – watch out, this is a good one – “there’s more cushion for the pushin’!” Well, maybe so, but just be careful so that the cushions won’t suffocate you in your sleep. And make sure that you don’t keep doing it doggy style just so you won’t have to look at her face. However, that’s a topic for a separate article. See, there was a reason I’ve started with referencing the massively popular ad.

In today’s reality, the canon of beauty is governed by magazine covers. That’s just the way it is. Men are most attracted to women of a Hollywood-like appearance and that’s who makes their heads turn around on the streets. They’re not going to gaze at a fat girl in overalls, a thick sweater, large glasses and a thin mustache.

To be precise – we expect our ideal girl to be around 170 centimeters tall, weigh less than 60 kilograms, have big and round breasts, a nice waistline, pretty hands, big lips, no hair on her chest, long hair (any color is fine, but a darker shade of blonde is preferred). It’d be ideal if she dressed well, used exquisite perfume, shaved her legs every couple of hours and smiled a lot, exposing her magnificently white teeth. In addition, she needs to find a way to bend the space-time continuum and never become 30 years old. She needs to remain slim and bunion-free. Cellulite must always remain something she only knows from her friends’ miserable stories.

If you’re a normal guy, that’s more or less what you want your ideal woman to look like. Picture her for a second. Imagine that your ideal girl is standing next to you.

Now look at your own woman. Back to the ideal one. Back to your woman again and back to the perfect girl. Look at your own woman again, then back to the perfect one, now keep looking at the perfect one. Too bad she isn’t your girl, huh?

Statistically speaking, men don’t have sex with perfect women. They love women for their wonderful personality, acceptable appearance, they love them in spite of their many flaws, because love is blind sometimes. And that’s fine. But find me a single man that doesn’t ogle other women, ones who are more attractive than his own partner. How many men do you know, who could honestly say that their woman is perfect and that he’s not attracted to any other woman in the world? Let’s be honest, people. In this world, where half of the women are overweight, a third of them are over thirty and one out of ten is ginger, it’s hard to find a perfect girl. But it’s not impossible to have a great girl in your bed and don’t embarrass your futile ambitions by yearning for unattainable women. By the way – remember that it’s embarrassing for the girl to be sleeping with somebody that doesn’t consider her to be the sexiest thing on the block. So isn’t that black dude right when he slightly suggests that we replace our partner with somebody better? Simply because we deserve to be with somebody we will not want to replace.

And don’t tell me there’s no such thing as perfection. Even if it doesn’t exist, maybe it’s a good idea to get the most out of your youth and at least try to find it? Most relationships you’ll ever enter will end up in tears, anyway.

Maybe you should think about being a step ahead, before it’s your woman who looks at you, then looks at your friend. Then she goes back to you and back to your friend. And she’ll think to herself: “it’s a damn shame you aren’t him.”

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